People often struggle in love and relationships. It’s not always a bad sign, it’s just the way of things. There is no ideal or perfect marriage or relationship and conflict is basically inevitable. I suggest that a shift in thinking is necessary to understand what relationships are really all about. They are the arenas in which we learn about ourselves and how we love.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’ve arrived! Just because you love someone doesn’t mean it’s all going to work out or that there is some magic that will carry you off into the sunset. This is real life, not the movies! A certain sense of idealism is normal in relationships but it’s not all “muffin baskets and rainbows”. Expectations of relationships and marriage have been heavily influenced by movies and society and mainstream media. The truth is relationships take work. There will be problems. There will be pain. And, sometimes relationships end! Sometimes relationships need to end because it’s time for you (or the other person) to go down another path, and perhaps meet someone else.
Instead of clinging for dear life to an unhealthy relationship, perhaps it’s time to consider getting help OR to consider ending the relationship. The important thing is, don’t stay in dysfunctional relationship expecting things to magically change. People are either ready to change, or they’re not! And if you can’t accept your partner where they are, and they won’t get help, then it’s a pretty good sign you need to get counseling, or move on.
Why is it so difficult to end a relationship? Maybe it seems like a failure. Perhaps you believe you won’t be able to find anyone else. Neither of these are true. There are plenty of opportunities for future relationships. Don’t marry the wrong person just because it’s convenient, or because you’re scared you won’t be able to find someone else.
Relationships are not the be-all end-all. They are the arenas where we learn, live, and discover our true selves. People and the relationships we have help us figure ourselves out. Everyone we’ve been with teaches us something—what we like, what we don’t like—what we can live with and what we can’t. When a relationship or marriage goes bad, we learn something important.